I don’t remember a time when I didn’t feel overweight, as a child and a teenager I was certainly told I was overweight although looking back at pictures it is clear to see that I actually wasn’t. I wasn’t skinny, but I was healthy. I should have been happy, but I wasn’t. My siblings were allowed to eat Double Deckers on the way home from swimming on a Sunday, I on the other hand was given cardboard textured Boots branded meal replacement bars instead, they even found their way into my lunch box to cause me embarrassment in the lunch room. This is when the binges started. I would sneak downstairs and steal contraband Twix and KitKats from the cupboard, which I took up to my room and ate in secret. It didn’t effect me much back then, this was back in the days when we’d play outdoors on bikes or roller skates all day so it was easily burnt off.
I moved out of home at 18 but I didn’t put weight on, at that time I discovered recreational drugs and my drug of choice was the original diet pill, speed. It was only at 21 when I settled down with a man I thought I was going to marry that I started to gain weight. Our favourite pastime was to smoke Cannabis and with that comes the munchies. He was one of those annoying guys that could eat and eat and I’d put on the weight. I gained about 4 stone (56 lbs) in the short time we were together. I had started to plan my binges and I was calculated by buying my supplies in 4 or 5 different shops so that it didn’t look like I had much at all. When I had an unplanned binge I would hide my tracks. Say I ate more biscuits that I thought I should, I would go buy another packet and then eat down to the same point so it looked like I hadn’t eaten any at all when in reality I’d scoffed a whole packet.
After we split up I moved away from home and started seeing a someone else, we weren’t right for each other. Some days it would be fine, but others he would become abusive he would tell me how awful I looked and on the odd occasion he threw something at me. I would have to stay late at work for meetings some times and I would have some of the sandwiches provided, but as he wouldn’t have cooked when I’d get home I made a meal and ate it because I knew he’d be angry if I admitted I’d already eaten. My confidence took a knock and I gained even more weight. Towards the end of our relationship when I’d started to take control of myself I did manage to lost some weight and I got down to about 18 stone (252 lbs).
In 2006 about 5 minutes after being dumped I handed my notice in at work and made arrangements to move back home, I knew that Mr Charm would be waiting for me when I got home asking for forgiveness saying he’d made a mistake and I was strong enough to not want to fall for it. Three weeks later I was back, living at my parents for the first time in 10 years, it was far from ideal. About a month after coming home I was told a secret which was going to change my life, not just the future but it made me question my past and I couldn’t tell anyone what it was for six months. I carried on, but I was recovering from so many things I hadn’t dealt with already and this on top was drawing me deeper into depression. In January of 2008 eight months after a trial, which tore my family apart I came home from work and shut the door on the world.
I didn’t leave the house for six months. When I was ready I sought some help, and I really cannot praise my GP or my therapist enough. Just under a year later in May 2009 I joined Slimming World, it was the first time I had been in a group of people outside of doctors/hospital waiting rooms and I was nervous. For the first few months my Mum came to keep me company before leaving me alone and scared one meeting and I coped just fine after managing not to burst into tears. I had no idea what I weighed before stepping into that first meeting, my scales at home had an error when I stepped on them at home. 23 stones 9 lbs (331 lbs). I was shocked.
Still struggling with depression I lost a couple of stone fast and then put it on again. I was living alone and still not looking after myself well enough and often gave into take-aways, obviously ordering enough so the delivery guy might be convinced I wasn’t eating it all by myself. Even though my weightloss graph looks like a stock market graph in reverse I never went near to being over my starting weight and just over three years later I have lost 4 stones 8 lbs (64 lbs). No it isn’t the worlds best weightloss but it is off in the right direction. I often contemplate what weight I’d be now had I not sought help when I did and I reckon that I could easily have put on the amount I have lost and more.
I have started this blog because I want to be inspired to lose the next 64+ lbs a bit quicker than the last, and who knows perhaps I can inspire others on the way.
Slimming in the Rain 